Botched Breast Surgery: A Real Nightmare

dali paintingLast night after I worked with a friend on some emotional stuff, I went to sleep and had a horrible dream. A nightmare is more like it. This is my recollection of it…

In my dream, my left breast was crooked and it didn’t match my right one so, I decide to go the vet to have it sewn on properly. (In real life, my left breast is one cup size bigger than my right from the surgery and radiation.)

The problem with my left breast was that it was sliding off and also bleeding. I could see the blood seeping through my white tank top. So, I went to the vet because I think I already had an appointment with Sushi (my cat) and I thought I could get two birds with one stone!? (Even in  my dreams I am practical and efficient with my time!)

Anyways, the waiting room is full of people and I am in a hurry and anxious to get into the exam room so the vet can look at my breast. She’s asking about Sushi but I finally confess that I want her to take a look at me.

When we finally get to the room, I strip. Again I feel very anxious and I want her to fix this problem of my left breast that is not connected properly. I also have fear in me that it is too late! The tissue has started drying but I am desperate so, I want the vet to try to fix me.

(My vet in real life is actually a man so I think it is actually my acupuncturist who I have transplanted into my dream somehow as the vet.) She tries to stitch me up but my fears have come true. The tissue has dried because it has been more than 48 hours. (Totally arbitrary on the time–but it makes total sense to me in dreamland!) It has already started to dry up on the edges and clot.

dali paintingShe tries anyways and gets a hook needle out and some kind of animal gut to stitch me up. She doesn’t use anesthesia! (But of course I don’t feel any pain because it’s a dream.)

I have a sinking feeling as she starts to work on me. The tissue is so hard that she’s using all her force to try to get the needle through my skin. She pulls and pulls and pulls. What gives is the breast that was kind of just congealed on my chest. The tissues are all twisted and the breast falls off. It isn’t even stuck to my body anymore. It is like raw liver on the operating table, yuck!

I start to freak out!!!

She tells me I need to go to the emergency room but, I am thinking WTF! My feelings at this point are shock, anger, fear–yes, mostly FEAR. (Funny how we can feel emotions, but not physical sensations like Pain in our dreams?) I think I’m also upset that she’s not able to fix me.

At this point I wake up with a jolt!

Salvador Dali

There’s been a lot going on this week with seeing my oncologist and my primary physician; last night my friend and I were processing some heavy emotional stuff. Sushi has bladder stone surgery coming up soon, I have been talking about my breast cancer, and doing some deep emotional processing and healing about forgiving myself in my last relationship. It’s a lot to hold and my dreams are a way my subconscious tries to process my unresolved emotions in a very Salvador Daliesque way!

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